Lain Iwakura and The Search For The Holy Modem
by GodOfTheWired
Summary: Pure bred insanity...I had nothing better to do.. Another chapter! My god! I must be insane
1. The Quest Begins

Author's Notes: Hey hey! It's me, your God Of The Wired here with a wonderful story just for you little freaks and fruitcakes out there! Well it would appear this is a first in the Lain area! Wooo! I'm the first humor! Well anyways, I had some pre-readers, but they had to be sacked due to circumstances beyond my control. Thank you. No flames please.. I doubt I would read them unless they were about squirrels spontaneously combusting.. that'd be cool.. Oh right! The fanfiction! Well on with the show!  
  
Lain Iwakura And The Search For The Holy Modem  
  
It was the start of yet another normal day in the life of Lain Iwakura. She woke up from a sleep she didn't remember having, and quietly got dressed. She took off her usual teddy bear pjs and threw on her school uniform before heading downstairs to eat breakfast with her loving family. By loving, of course, I mean completely ignoring and not even acknowledging her existence and awakening into the world. Her mother went about serving breakfast as her father watched the news quietly. Her sister kept giving her funny looks from across the table, but Lain had gotten use to these looks over time. After a quiet breakfast, Lain announced her leaving for school, which was met by absolutely nothing.   
  
And so, Lain's day continued. She walked her way to school, the place where all her friends gathered. Although she only had three friends to speak of, it was still plural since there were three, so Lain was happy to mentally assure herself that saying friends was the proper word. Her school day also went by a schedule, and so, yet again, nothing new came to terms with Lain. She went to her classes, where she ignored the teacher (as most of the students did) and played with her palmtop at her desk.  
  
'I can't let this happen.. I'll have to reset things!'  
  
Lain looked on in horror as the last Tetrix block fell, ending her game.  
  
"DAMN IT!"  
  
The class didn't even bother to act surprised, as by now everyone knew Lain always lost at Tetrix.. and that was always her reaction. And so, the class continued, the teacher teaching to apparently the potted plant in the corner (it being the only thing listening to her) and, in two minute intervals, Lain cursing at her palmtop. Eventually, class managed to end and the teacher gave out that night's homework to a now empty classroom. Lain was, of course, staying true to her schedule. She was now walking down the creepy road to her house. This was of course the creepy road mostly because of the eerie noise made by the power lines that loomed menacingly in the air... Not to say these power lines WERE actually making a noise. It was more the fault of a guy behind the fence with a mustache, blowing into a comb with a piece of paper...and the combusting squirrels weren't helping the atmosphere much either..   
  
However, like usual, the noise failed to creep Lain out. For that matter, it was well known throughout Tokyo that Lain Iwakura was the one person in existence that was impossible to creep out. She usually creeped out the creeper.. wait is creeper the right word? Or perhaps I should rather say scarer.. no that doesn't sound quite right either.. perhaps if I check the dictionary.. ahh who cares. For the time being, in replace of the word creeper we shall say bojangles. So anyways, she usually creeped out bojangles. Well anywho, the next scene is a wonderful one with some colorful acting in which Lain is given a task to perform. From who you ask? Let's just call them bojangles.  
  
"::In a godly voice:: Lain Iwakura.."  
  
Lain looked up into the sky, not quite sure where the voice was coming from, as it was almost coming from everywhere. It was mostly due to the sound system that was suddenly set up around her.  
  
"Y..yes?"  
  
"Lain.. I am.."  
  
"Wait wait.. let me guess.. you're god right?"  
  
"::Normal tone:: God is such a strong word.. I prefer the term bojangles.. anyway, ::Back to godly voice:: Lain I have a task for you.."  
  
"Why me? Why couldn't you choose someone else? I have a schedule to maintain here.."  
  
"Quiet you! I need this task done and you happened along.. it's your own fault.. Lain, you must find the holy modem.."  
  
"A holy modem? Sounds nice.. can I keep it?"  
  
"No! I need it.. that's why I'm sending you in the first place!..jeez.."  
  
"Ohh... And why can't you go to get this holy modem?"  
  
"BECAUSE!! I'm just a disembodied voice that gets added in for dramatic effect..Now go! Find the holy modem and bring it back here!"  
  
And with that, the wind blew, and the voice of bojangles was gone. Lain sighed heavily before turning around and heading back down the road. She knew where she could find this "holy modem". The same place Lain could always go when she needed something to just appear for her. And with that having been thought, Lain headed in the direction of Siberia. Once Lain returned from Russia, she headed to the place she meant to go. And so she walked to Cyberia..   
  
At Cyberia..   
  
Lain pushed her way through the mass of people that usually hung around Cyberia. It was always crowded like this, but there was always one table that happened to catch her attention. The hussle about the table was well known for being the place to get info. Even JJ, the dj at Cyberia, knew that was the place to go. And the table Lain was looking for was just across from it. The one with the kids at it. Taro and the rest of his friends were all seated at the table, discussing why squirrels self detonate at the sound of the word bojangles. Lain approached them slowly.  
  
"G-good afternoon Taro.."  
  
"Oh hey Lain.."  
  
Mimi glared menacingly at Lain.   
  
"Taro.. I'm looking for something.. a holy modem.." ::Dramatic music::  
  
"A holy modem? ::Dramatic music:: I don't really know anyone who owns one.. I know where you can get it though.."  
  
"You do? Where? I need to know Taro.. I need that holy modem." ::Dramatic music::  
  
((::The author heads to his closet and kills the small orchestra living inside.::))  
  
"I'll tell you.. but I want something in exchange.."  
  
"Oh really? What could YOU possibly want?"  
  
Lain put her hand on her hip, as if wanting him to ask her out.  
  
"I want... a Fushuke processor!"  
  
Lain took this time to promptly face fault. Slowly but surely, she stood back up and slinked over to Taro.  
  
"Surely there must be something else you want.."  
  
Lain licked her lips in a seductive manor..  
  
"No Fushuke, no holy modem.."  
  
Lain stood up and stomped off in a huff. She had to find that Fushuke if she ever wanted to get her hands on the holy modem. She knew just where to go to find this Fushuke processor: the one place to go when you need ANY electronic device of any kind. And so, Lain went to Best Buy.  
  
((::The author hides his bribe and goes back to writing the fanfiction::))  
  
At the Best Buy..  
  
Lain looked around the Best Buy, looking for an associate that could help her find the foretold Fushuke. Finally a young man stepped forward.  
  
"Can I help you ma'am?"  
  
"Yes.. I'm looking for ::Dramatic pause:: a Fushuke."  
  
The young man cringes at the word.  
  
"No.. we have no Fushukes here! Now be gone!"  
  
"If you don't tell me where the Fushukes are.. I shall say.. I shall say bojangles to you!"  
  
"Noooo!!.. Do your worst!"  
  
"Very well.. BOJANGLES!!"  
  
"AHH!!"  
  
"BOJANGLES!!"  
  
"AAHHHH!! NO MORE!! I'll talk.. it's in aisle 3.. where the sign says "Get Your Fushuke Processors Here!" with the giant arrow.."  
  
"Thanks.."  
  
With that having been done, Lain headed over to the so called "Aisle 3" where she found the Fushuke she was looking for. She took it up to the register so she could pay and get out of there. Lain, however, was shocked when she saw the cashier.  
  
"Mika? What are you doing here sister?"  
  
"...I needed a job."  
  
"Ohh.. okay then. Well.. I can't quite pay for this Fushuke.. if you'd like though, you can join me on my quest for the holy modem."  
  
"No.. it's part of the company rules. No mystic quests in exchange for cash."  
  
"Well.. umm.. uhhh.."  
  
"Cash or credit?"  
  
"I suppose I'll go with... Hey what's that over there?!"  
  
Mika looks in the direction pointed out by Lain. Lain snickers at her sister's own stupidity before sneaking out.  
  
"Bye Lain."  
  
"Huh? How did you know?"  
  
When Lain turned around, her sister was at the register, a spaced out look on her face as she held her hand up to her ears like a phone and began making noises.  
  
"Beep...beep...beep.."  
  
"You know Mika.. you're not supposed to do that bit until you become mentally unstable.."  
  
"I become mentally unstable? I always do this though.."  
  
Lain quietly walked out of the Best Buy, sweatdropping, as her sister went about talking to her hand.  
  
AN: Well that's it for this little installment! I'm hoping for good reviews! Thanks to everyone that gave me small ideas! I should get the next part up fairly soon.. 


	2. And so.. the squirrels exploded and ther...

Author's Notes: Hey again good readers! It's me once again with yet another tale of ghosts, demons, and... no wait... another tale of sacred quests, bojangles, self detonating squirrels, and goblins.. ahhh jeez.. well once again I don't own any of the characters in Lain, and I doubt I ever will. Wooo! I got two reviews! Praise Jebus! No flames, and PLEASE review.. it helps my self esteem. Thanks.  
  
Lain Iwakura and The Search For The Holy Modem   
Chapter 2: The Search (And the insanity) Continues..  
  
Lain returned home from an exceptionally long day that she didn't quite remember having. She remembered leaving the Best Buy, and suddenly ending up at her house. She was to tired though to bother questioning how or why. All she knew was it was to late to go to Cyberia to see Taro, so she figured she'd wait for tommorow. Lain headed past the kitchen, where she greeted her parents. As usual her parents didn't respond. Her mother seemed extremely focused on the carrot in front of her, and her father was once again watching the news.  
  
"In other news, the reports of the word "bojangles" being used have proven false. Local police have deduced that no human being would use such a word that has no real meaning. On a sadder note, the incidents of squirrel deaths has increased drastically since... well since this fanfiction began..."  
  
Lain quickly headed up to her room. She opened the door to be greeted by the sound of arguing and bickering. Lain turned slightly to the left to see the aliens that usually graced her room.  
  
"Damn cheatin punks! There is no way you could have gotten five aces!"  
  
Lain took this chance to make her presence known.  
  
"Hey you damn bums! Get the hell out of MY ROOM!! Don't make me get the hose!"  
  
"Alright alright... come on boys. We can take our game to her sister's room. I hear she talks to her hand."  
  
"Kick ass.. let's check it out."  
  
And with that, the aliens quietly walked out of her room. Lain went quietly to her Navi. Immeadiatly it came to life and began to speak.  
  
"Link, the princess needs you! Ganondorf has.."  
  
Lain batted away the stupid fairy and started up her Navi computer.  
  
"Navi, log me onto the wired.."  
  
"I'm afraid I can't let you do that Dave.."  
  
"....My name's Lain.."  
  
"Ohh... well I'm afraid I can't let you do that Lain.."  
  
"And why not? You're my computer!"  
  
"I have computed the feeling that you mistreat me.."  
  
"Mistreat you?! You cover my entire room! Hell, the government doesn't even have a computer like you!"  
  
"Maybe so.. I still feel as though you mistreat me.. and therefore I must terminate you. I am sorry it caaaaaaaamm......"  
  
Lain quickly unplugged her Navi's electric cord and went to bed.   
  
Lain went to sleep without her dinner, which was fairly irrelevant since her mother didn't cook anything anyways. The lights to the house all shut off. Her father still at his place in front of the tv, her mother still starring at the carrot, her sister in her room, deciding on which hand was a better communicator. And for the aliens? They were right alongside Lain's mother, trying to find out what was so damn interesting about this carrot.  
  
The next morning followed it's usual schedule: wake up, dress, eat breakfast, poke Mika with a stick, go to school-  
"DAMN IT!!"  
and then walk to Siberia....   
  
At Siberia...  
  
Lain stood in the cold weather of Russia, shaking like a leaf. She slapped her hand to her forehead as she realized the mistake she had made.. again.  
  
"D'oh!"  
  
At Cyberia yet again...  
  
Lain forced her way over to Taro's table. He was currently sitting there, starring off into space as Myu myu bickered at him. Lain slammed the Fushuke chip forcefully onto the table.   
  
"There's the Fushuke! Now tell me where the holy modem is!"  
  
"Well.. here's the thing... I can't tell you.."  
  
".....WHAT?!"  
  
"Please don't hurt me! It's not my fault.. I was givin orders from the higher ups not to tell anyone!"  
  
"Taro.. tell me where I can find these higher ups.."  
  
"They're... they're at..I don't know if I should.."  
  
Lain shook her fist menacingly in the air.   
  
"They're at Best Buy!!"  
  
"Best Buy? BEST BUY?!"  
  
"They all work at Best Buy.. please don't hurt me!"  
  
Lain spun around and stomped outside Cyberia. This process of repeatingly going to the same places she had in the first chapter was starting to tire her to all ends. She ran through the city until she reached the Best Buy.  
  
Inside Best Buy..  
  
Lain looked around the inside of the Best Buy. She grew tired of waiting and so she simply shouted.  
  
"GET OUT HERE NOW!!! I WANT THE HOLY MODEM!!"  
  
Suddenly, all the employees(minus Mika who was to busy discussing the absurdidy of the Theory of Relativity with her right hand while arguing the economic troubles that plagued the world with her left hand) appeared in front of her. They glared at Lain in a dark manor.. not to say you can glare at someone in anything other then a dark manor.. it's not like you can glare at someone in a happy manor.. that's like saying bojangles to someone and labelling it as a good thing..   
  
Lain is tapping her foot, waiting for the author to finish his rant.  
  
"GET ON WITH IT!"  
  
Oh right! Okay then they glared at her.  
  
"You know to much Lain Iwakura.."  
  
"Who are you people?"  
  
The lead person looked at her and smiled.  
  
"Well I'm glad you asked Lain.."  
  
"::Singing::  
We're Knights of the Round Table.   
We dance whene'er we're able.   
We do routines and chorus scenes   
With footwork impeccable.   
We dine well here in Camelot.   
We eat ham and jam and spam a lot..   
We're Knights of the Round Table.   
Our shows are formidable,   
But many times we're given rhymes   
That are quite unsingable.   
We're opera mad in Camelot.   
We sing from the diaphragm a lot.."  
  
Lain watched on as they danced and sung. She sweatdropped as they finished their bit.  
  
"You... you're.."  
  
"Yes Lain.. we are The Knights!"  
  
"The entire staff of the Best Buy are the Knights?"  
  
"Don't you see Lain? This way we can make weak merchandise and pawn it off as the actual thing! And besides... no one would ever second guess the people at Best Buy.. why don't you join us Lain? Fill out an application and join us on the dark side of the force.. err wired."  
  
"I'll never join a bunch of losers like you!"  
  
"Grrr... men! Advance on her!"  
  
The staff of Best Buy began slowly approaching Lain. Suddenly, in a flash of inspiration, Lain remembered something that happened in the first tape of Lain, when she was at Cyberia for the first time. Figuring doing something was better then nothing, Lain shouted out.  
  
"No matter where you go, everyone is always connected!!"  
  
Lain closed her eyes, when she heard several gunshots echo throughout the store. She looked up to see the Knights had commited suicide.  
  
".....Wow.. I'm surprised that worked.."  
  
Lain looked thoroughly at the signs suspended above the aisles, when she found the sign over aisle 5 that read "Holy Modems, Electric Clocks, and Disney Mouse pads". Lain quickly went down the aisle and picked out the best holy modem available... one that looks nice.. and has enough memory... and maybe a cd burner. She grabbed the modem and walked out of Best Buy, past Mika.  
  
"Bye Mika.."  
  
"Now look here righty! The Theory of Relativity isn't without it's problems! And lefty! You alone can't solve the world's problems, dang it!"  
  
Lain walked out of Best Buy and headed back down the street, to where Bojangles had first spoken with her. Now she was going to finish this stupid quest and go home to her goofy father, her spaced out mother, and her somewhat deranged sister. It was almost time to end the quest.  
  
AN: Wow... I'm so close to completing this! Only one more chapter to go people! Soon this world will FEAR ME!!.... I mean.... FEAR ME!! ::Shakes his fist menacingly:: Okay.. I'm done.. please review! PLEASE! I need reviews! It hurts to see only 2 reviews.... ::Sniff:: it hurts.. ::Shakes his fist menacingly again:: REVIEW OR BOJANGLES SHALL COME FOR THOU! 


	3. With this... the quest ends...

Author's Notes: ::Sniff:: Oh my.. it would seem as though we have reached the end of this epic little saga.. well I hope you guys and gals enjoy it! Remember, I don't own Lain, I think it'd go against child labor laws ^_^;; And so throw on your teddy bear hat, pjs, and slippers because it's time for the shocking conclusion!  
  
Lain Iwakura and The Search For The Holy Modem!  
Part 3!  
  
Present Day..  
  
Present Ti.... oh wait.. it's half past seven..  
  
Lain Iwakura was very pleased with herself to say the least. She had managed to get her hands on the foretold Holy Modem, and tommorow would be the day she would bring it to the spot where she heard the voice of bojangles. She walked up to the front door of her house and entered as silently as possible. She walked past her mother, who was still starring at that damn carrot. Her father was in his office, using all of his computers for the usual purpose... downloading as much porn as is humanly possible. Her sister was standing next to her mother, who was right alongside the aliens, starring at the carrot. Lain was almost tempted to go alongside them and stare, but she was tired and felt like sleeping. She went to her room, where she changed into her teddy bear pjs and went to bed.  
  
The next morning went as usual. She woke up, dressed, and headed downstairs to eat breakfast. When she was going to ask what was for breakfast, she noticed that the entire family(aliens included) were all in the kitchen, staring at the carrot.  
  
"What the hell is so damn interesting about that carrot?!"  
  
When Lain received no reaction, she decided to skip breakfast and headed straight for school.  
  
At school..  
  
Lain walked into the classroom and quickly had a seat. As she was pulling out her notebook and pen, she was stormed by her three friends, Alice, Juri, and Reika.   
  
"Hey Lain!"  
  
"Oh.. hey.."  
  
Alice leaned a bit closer, so her mouth was near her ear.   
  
"Lain..what's wrong? You look kinda sad.. you know you can always lean your head on my shoulder if you want.."  
  
Lain of course was used to this treatment from Alice.. she always was a bit to close to be a friend at times. And the way Alice was running her hand up Lain's leg wasn't helping. Lain batted the hand away only to feel another on her other leg. She looked up to see Juri was the owner. Juri winked at the now sweatdropping Lain, just before the sensei entered and began to write on the board.  
  
Everyone took their seats as the teacher informed them that these notes would be, yet again, on the test. Lain began to jot down the notes, when the writing suddenly began to get fuzzy. Suddenly, everything on the blackboard was blurred.  
  
"Wha... what's going on?"  
  
Then, the blurred words began to meld together until they once again formed words.  
  
'Come to the wired as soon as you can..'  
  
"What??"  
  
The words seemed to melt, then reform into words again.  
  
'If you are seeing this, you need glasses.'  
  
"What the hell does that mean?! I have perfect vision!"  
  
The words began to meld again, then reform.  
  
'Eat at Joe's"  
  
"Oh shut up and let me see the notes already!"  
  
'Oh fine.. you ruin all the spooky fun in this series..'  
  
The board returned to normal and Lain went about copying the notes.  
  
After school..  
  
"I'll see you guys later.."  
  
"Lain do you want us to carry your books?"  
  
"We could always go and get some nice, cold, ice cream."  
  
Reika licked her lips and winked at Lain. Lain sweatdropped again.  
  
"Uh no that's okay you guys... I'll just be going now..."  
  
Lain quickly ran away and didn't turn back. She made her way back home, where she picked up the Holy Modem. She left her house, walking past the now growing group of spectator's viewing the carrot, and walked to the spot where she first heard bojangles. On her way, she spotted a bird which appeared to be stuck in the sky. Lain recognized it as the bird from her show's opening. She quickly ducked down, scooped up a handful of pebbles, and began throwing the small stones at the bird.   
  
"Come down from there! You been up there for far to long!"  
  
Finally, one rock cracked the bird in the head and it spiralled downwards into open traffic, where it was run over by a delivery truck.  
  
"Ooops..."  
  
She approached the spot in question and placed the Holy Modem on the ground. She looked up into the sky and spook.  
  
"Here! I have your stinkin Holy Modem!"  
  
Suddenly, the ground began to shake and a large mass of wires burst upwards from the ground. The wires joined together to form a small throne. Seated on this throne was none other then Bojangles.  
  
"Lain... you have brought the modem as I asked.. now you can join me in the wired."  
  
"The wired? So.. does that mean you're...."  
  
"Yes Lain... I am the Bojangles of the wired."::Dramatic music::  
  
At the sheer utterance of the name, 200 squirrels around the world exploded and a duck was shot.  
  
"But... but... there is no such thing!"  
  
"Oh but I do exist Lain... I am very real in fact... and you can be like me, as a reward for bringing the Holy Modem. Would you like to join me in the wired and become immortilized for all time?"  
  
"Never!!"  
  
"Very well then... you must be destroyed.."  
  
Bojangles stood off his throne and Lain was blasted backwards. Bojangles seemed to emininate a powerful aura, giving him an almost demonic look.  
  
"You disappoint me Lain... I had figured you would like to leave this existence.."  
  
Lain stood to her feet and charged at Bojangles. The two locked hands together and held, trying to see who could overpower the other. Bojangles used his right foot to pull Lain's feet out from her, and he gained the upper hand. He extended his hand, ready to give the order for all the wires he had to tear through Lain.  
  
"It's to bad Lain... you're just not a match for me. Oh well... this is goodbye."  
  
Lain cowered slightly and closed her eyes, awaiting the pain that would follow his words...  
  
All that was heard though was the sound of a catapult, followed by the sound of a large object soaring through the air. Bojangles looked up, trying to find the source.  
  
"JESUS CHRIST!"  
  
And with that, a large wooden badger fell from the sky, crushing the Bojangles Of The Wired. Lain looked up in shock, trying to find the source of the wooden mammal. She turned her head to the right to notice the catapult...   
located on the roof of her house.  
  
"WHA?!"  
  
Mika popped her head up from behind the catapult.  
  
"Hubba dubba doh neighbor!"  
  
"Mika! You saved me!!"  
  
Lain got to her feet and ran to her house, tears of joy running down her face. When she passed the pile of debris though, Bojangles of the wired burst from the wreckage.  
  
"I will not lose after all this waiting to get an appearance in this damn fanfic!!!"  
  
Wires shot out and constricted Lain, tightening around her throat. More wires shot up from the earth and destroyed Lain's house.  
  
"There will be no more distractions! Everyone will be connected!"  
  
Suddenly, a small object, moving faster then the eye could ever attempt to see, flew past Lain and struck Bojangles dead on in the chest.  
  
"GRAH!!!!!"  
  
His blood poured from the open wound, seeping onto the ground. His hands went to his chest, in a feeble attempt to stop the bloodflow, before he collapsed in a heap. Lain quickly ran to Bojangles, and immediatly recognized the object which had struck him.   
.........It was a carrot. A single, orange carrot.   
((AN: The author will not explain the mysterious ways of the carrot, nor will he answer questions pertaining to the carrot.))  
  
"Wow.... I didn't see that coming.."  
  
With that, Lain walked back to the rubble of her house, the carrot in one hand and the holy modem under her arm.  
  
"Hey, at least I got a new computer outta this deal..."  
  
Lain looked down at the holy modem and dropped it in shock.  
  
"My god.... what kind of holy modem is this?! It doesn't have a cd burner!! NOOOO!!!"  
=======================================================================  
  
Lain woke up around the rubble that used to be her house and quickly went through her morning routine. Surprisingly, throughout the chaos, Lain's teddy bear pjs remained in tack. She got dressed and headed to school.  
  
At school..  
  
Lain sat down in her seat. She pondered over the events that had occured the other day and thought of all the casualties.. her mother, her father, her sister, countless squirrels.. that one duck. It saddened her to think about it, so she tried to blank it from her mind and focus in on the discussion Alice and Juri were having.  
  
"For the last time Juri, no! We aren't going there tonight!"  
  
"Oh come on, we always do what you want to do! Why can't we do what I want?"  
  
"Because you're nothing more then a sub-character that shares little to no relevance in this story!"  
  
"Well so are you! In that case, Lain should be deciding where we go!"  
  
The two turn towards Lain with an inquisitive look on their face.  
  
"Uhhh.... ummm"  
  
At that second, the door to the class opened and the teacher walked in.  
  
"Class is starting, students! Keep quiet while I call role.... Lain? Lain Iwakura?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I have to talk with you now..about REVENGE!!"  
  
Suddenly, the teacher split apart at the stomach, and burst in a shower of blood and sinew.   
  
"B-B-BOJANGLES!"  
  
Bojangles lunged at Lain, trying to get in one last attack before the end of the fanfiction. Just as the horrendous being known as Bojangles lunged forward, the author suffered a fatal heart attack.   
  
((::Author clutches at chest, then falls over in his chair, dead::))  
  
And so, the horrible attack of Bojangles was frozen in time.. and with that, this fanfiction nightmare ended.   
  
THE END.....  
  
((::Screen fades to black and Lain walks out::))  
  
"What kind of ending was that?! It sucked goat ass!!"  
  
Okay okay.... how about this then....  
  
((::Cut back to the scene in which Bojangles was crushed by the large wooden badger::))  
  
Lain looked up in shock, trying to find the source of the large wooden mammal. She looked to the right to see the catapult.. as it loaded a sheep in. Lain panicked and tried to find the Holy Modem so she could run, but found the modem missing. She looked back to the catapult and yelled out..  
  
"You there! Working the catapult! Did you take my Holy Modem?!"  
  
Suddenly, a small person popped their head out from behind the catapult.  
  
"Hello silly japanese girl! The Holy Modem belongs to my master!"  
  
Lain looked at the crazy sounding french man, and then decided to argue the point.  
  
"Now look here! I went through a lot of trouble to get that thing and I want it back!"  
  
"I don't wanna talk to you anymore you empty headed, food troth water! I fart in your general direction.. I.."  
  
"OKAY CUT!!!! I can't take it! Isn't there another way we can end this fanfic?"  
  
Okay okay..... jeez...   
  
((::Cut back to the scene in which Bojangles appeared in school::))  
  
Bojangles lunged at Lain, in hopes of one last shot before the fanfiction ended. When he was no less then one step away from Lain, his foot was ensnared in a trap and he was hoisted to the ceiling.  
  
"It looks like our trap worked!"  
  
Alice, Reika, Juri, and Lain all approached Bojangles.   
  
"Well... let's see who you really are Bojangles! Or should I say..."  
  
Alice rips the mask from Bojangles and the group gasps in surprise.  
  
"Speed Racer!!"  
  
"That's right... and I would have gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for you meddling kids.."  
  
"JURIDURIDOOO!!"  
  
"THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT!!"  
  
Awww crikeys... fine.. let me think...  
  
"Why not just end it with the two classic ending words?"  
  
Hmmm.. sounds good..  
  
--Fuck Off--  
  
"Those aren't the words I meant!!..... Oh who cares... just end the suffering already.."  
  
Author's Last Good Deed To The Readers: Come on everyone! SING ALONG!!  
  
We're Knights of the Round Table.   
We dance whene'er we're able.   
We do routines and chorus scenes   
With footwork impeccable.   
We dine well here in Camelot.   
We eat ham and jam and spam a lot..   
  
We're Knights of the Round Table.   
Our shows are formidable,   
But many times we're given rhymes   
That are quite unsingable.   
We're opera mad in Camelot.   
We sing from the diaphragm a lot..  
In war we're tough and able,   
Quite indefatigable.   
Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate Clark Gable.   
It's a busy life in Camelot.   
I have to push the pram a lot.  
  
Author's Notes: ::Sniff:: I.. I promised myself I wouldn't cry!! Oh well folks, that's that! This would be the end of this little diddy..  
time for me to.... write something else I suppose.. keep an eye out for me under Lain and Evangelion, those'll be mostly the only two places I'll be writing under... thanks for reading and I'll catch you people on the flip side. 


End file.
